Sunday e-mail 12th May: Out with the new, in with the old

The post-modern malaise that isn’t even post-modern any more

You know what’s good? The Offer. It’s on Paramount+, and there’s no disguising it. Every ten minutes one of the characters says something like, ‘Paramount’s great’, or, ‘Isn’t Paramount great?’ or ‘We have to save Paramount, it’s great!’

Even so, The Offer really is, well, great. And we can touch on it here with clear conscience, because it’s kind of a crime show, too.

What do I mean, ‘kind of’? The Offer’s about how the film of The Godfather got made. Now, we all know that The Godfather is a top film, maybe the best crime film ever slapped onto celluloid. The Offer may put you in the mood to revisit.

Or maybe not. The Offer is the television show of the movie of the book, loosely based on real-life events. If that’s not a premium-sized post-modern package, I don’t know what is. But get this. The show doesn’t look post-modern at all. There’s nothing self-referential about it. No one capers at the camera or deconstructs anything. There’s the occasional quietly quondam quote from the script, but that’s about as far as it goes. The Offer – startlingly - looks like a genuine attempt to make a show about What It Was Like in 1972.

Do you sometimes suspect that learning about The Thing might be more interesting than the thing itself? I do. Perhaps that’s just the effect of all these years in academia. But surely there’s a certain breed of sports-obsessed child who’d prefer to read books about sport than actually play? I’m unsure that Paramount’s audience will hasten off to see The Godfather again. They may feel they don’t need The Thing, since they already learnt about The Thing.

Endless reiterations of other decades’ detritus…maybe that’s simply who we are now. Le me check the listings at my local multiplex. Yes, just as I suspected: Kung Fu Panda 4; another Planet of the Apes; The Garfield Movie; a rerun of Shallow Grave. Ghostbusters Whatever. Is nothing new now? Do we even want new?

the godfather visits a cinema

Only in a postmodern world would anyone willingly invest in Non-Fungible Tokens. ‘The Thing doesn’t even exist! Buy The Thing!’

One time, I put down a book I was reading about the history of jazz because someone else was playing jazz too loudly and I couldn’t concentrate.

Maps remain endlessly exciting, but the airport queue can quickly quash any amount of adrenaline. Want to see a piece of great art? Invest in a print. There are too many crowds in the museum.

Last night, I uncorked a Chianti and spent a couple of hours cooking a big old marinara. There was canoli with cognac. There was, too, motivation only half conscious - all those massive Italian meals the make-believe mafiosi kept making. Me, I wasn’t horribly hungry, not really. I cooked it anyway. The Thing was the food. I really just wanted to Partake in The Thing.

And, on the topic of representations of the real world…. I think you’re going to love this week’s Crime & Psychology newsletter. It deals with another aspect of contemporary culture. Or, I should say, contemporary culture wars. Staff at a British museum have warned us about the fabulously frightening effects of fearsome landscape paintings. Could they generate bad feeling? Inter-group hostility? One psychologist gives us his thoughts…

Coming soon to a screen near you! More original than Kung Fu Panda 4!  More human than Planet of the Apes! Less furry than Garfield! I simply call it…’Dark Nationalist Feelings’. You dare not miss it!

Be sure to join the cool kids on Wednesday! Before then, remember, those blue buttons have been baaaad! Bang them back into line by biffing them. It hurts you waaay more than it hurts them.

Till next time, Crime & Psychology fans!