Sunday e-mail 15th September: What would you do if you knew you could get away with it?

And does the threat of punishment stop you?

What would you do if you knew you could get away with it?

It’s an intriguing question and doubtless one that might provoke some memorable dinner-table conversation. If you’re planning a dinner party right now, you can have that one on me.

We were having our own discussion just the other day. One friend of mine would break into the house of the electrician who she is pretty sure stole a necklace that was given to her as a gift. She would steal some item of equivalent value. I suggested stealing his shoes as well, to ensure he couldn’t chase her down the road. If I’m thinking of the right chap, I think he wears a wig. It might be excellent fun to steal that, too, particularly if the electrician happened to be giving a presentation or some other kind of public performance at the time.

Another friend would commit vandalism on the property of an ex-colleague who wronged him.

Someone else suggested opening a trapdoor on Sir Keir Starmer’s stage so he fell into some custard. Although it might be an extremely popular move, there’s no way you’d get away with that in the Britain of today. It’s probably a hanging offence by now.

Personally, I was stumped. Twenty years ago, I might have conjured up a dozen hedonistic splurges on the spot, but these days – you know what? - I can’t be bothered.  Crime and practical jokes all sound like an awful lot of trouble. Among the best predictors of antisocial behaviour, after all, is age. After the age of about thirty-five, most people just don’t have the energy. I suppose, if I was sure I could get away with it, I’d probably take a ten-week holiday in the Bahamas during term-time when I’m supposed to be teaching. If you can’t quite afford to buy me a holiday, but wouldn’t mind something cheaper, maybe you could think about buying me a coffee! You’ll get away with it, I promise.

What would you do, if you knew for a fact you’d get away with it?

I have an interesting follow-up question, too: How much difference does not knowing actually make?

My guess – counterintuitive as it may seem – is rather little.

Perhaps I’m wrong (I usually am). Either way, it’s a slightly disconcerting, uncomfortable thing to think about, which is why I encourage you to think about it. How much would we all learn about ourselves if we all tried the exercise? More than we’d care to, perhaps, which is exactly the right amount.

Turns out, there’s a lot of discussion about all this on Reddit. Only too happy to save you the trouble, I have picked five of the most interesting answers to make this week’s bullet list. Check it out below! You’ll see that when people work in secret, they really work in secret.

First, though, please take this excellent opportunity to bash a blue button below! It really does help to keep this newsletter going.

Oh, you know what I’d do? I just realised. I’d go up and down the street and steal all the windchimes. They are an affront to the very notion of civilisation.

1.      Wipe out 40% of the world’s population including myself.

2.      Make a trip- to Cherbourg in France and steal Jacques-Louis David’s painting, ‘Patroclus’, just to put it on the wall.

3.      Win a lottery and then give the money to various charities, particularly ones devoted to the victims of child abuse.

4.      Become a mafia godfather and break the law in any way I chose, whether for good or for ill.

5.      Pull the red lever that makes the train stop, even though it isn’t an emergency.

‘Patroclus’ courtesy of WikiMedia Commons.